omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
