She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
