I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
