So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
