did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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