don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
