i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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