dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
