and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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