she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
