At least make sure they are 18
Why
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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