Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
