Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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