I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
