i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
not ubering you a puppy
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
