i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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