dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
