he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My vagina just recognized that song.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm like, not good at living.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
