Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
