Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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