The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
