When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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