Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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