I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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