I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
