I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
