Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
