Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
