I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
