she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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