If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Never joke about your clitoris.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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