I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I need to stop coming to work sober
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
