i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
try to milk me bitch
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