I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Someone signed my nipple.
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