i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
