Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
