Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Randomize
