so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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