I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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