I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
