When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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