respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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