Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
