I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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