Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
