i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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