I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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