if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
