he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
