Swine flu is the new snow day.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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