I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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